Thursday, November 16, 2017

10 Things All Real Female Hunters Know To Be True

10 Things All Real Female Hunters Know To Be True:

1. Every girl in our hunting groups and Instagram accounts always post the cutest pictures in their body hugging and figure flattering camo with a perfect face of makeup, while you're over here in 10 layers trying to stay warm, looking like "Blue 42, Blue 42, Hut, Hut, Hike!"

2. Scent away 2 in 1 shampoo/conditioners are a joke. My hair still smells "good" as my boyfriend says after I use the whole shebang of scent-away body wash, shampoo and conditioner. Afterwards your hair feels like a ratted, uncalmable, dry, hot mess. Its just easier to stuff your hair in a face mask and douse it with scent blocker spray.

3. Just because we are women, does not mean we can be used as bait during the rut. Like seriously, no, we are not going to sit 15 yards downwind of you, on the ground, while on our monthly- doused in doe estrus, in order to attract a monster buck for you. Even if we did agree to this, we would shoot it first!

4. We don't waste money on those expensive wicks for dipping into doe urine and tying to a tree. We just go buy the cheapest box of tampons for $2 and cut them down to size, with the string still attached, dip and tie away. Bam! Money saved! But men can't save this money because it's so taboo for them to go buy a box of tampons, LOL!

5. While some huntresses prefer pink camo, you will find a majority of us do not. Like what the heck are we hunting for? Flamingos?

6. Poundage does not measure how big our lady balls are. I cannot tell you how many times a man has asked me how much poundage I'm pulling back on my compound bow. Every time I go to a bow shop, I always hear men boasting about pulling back 70 plus pounds. Now don't get me wrong, I'm strong for someone of my size. I can and have blacked somebody's eye, but if I can kill a deer with 45 pounds, then that's where I'll stay, thank you very much.... Oh and to that guy saying he pulls back 300lbs on his bow- I hope you realize you're making an ass of yourself sweetcheeks!

7. Hot hands are a necessity. I'm a woman of small stature topping out at 5'7 and 120lbs in my hunting gear on a rainy day. I get cold easy, I'm cold inside with a heater and big fluffy house robe. But I'm willing to tough it out, even if I have to stick hot hands down my duck waders to keep my butt cheeks from getting frostbit. So men, when you turn down the hot hands and complain about the cold- shut it, you sound like a sissy.

8. When men find out you are a hunter, you instantly gain 10 more points on their scorecard. It's kind of cute really, because they think it's going to be like skipping through a food plot, blowing grunt calls and shooting deer together forever. Nuh uh honey! When you get into a relationship with a hunter, it's two of everything, it's a fight to the last antler and feather. If you get a new stand, so do I. If you get a new shotgun, so do I. You want the best hunting spot on the food plot, well so do I! And I will fight you for it! But when it's all said and done, I'll still take my clothes off for ya baby.... for you to rub my back after that long walk to the best spot on the food plot!

9. Mason jars are fantastic for long hunts, or pickle jars. When you don't want to get down to pee or you don't want to scent up your hunting spot, peeing in a jar and sealing it with a lid is about the best thing since sliced bread. Pooping is a different story, I personally, will not drop a load of timber into a jar!

10. We women hunters get accused of doing it all wrong. We smell too good. Our faces are too bright. We walked to the stand too loud. We should've waited for something bigger to come along before we took that shot. We get blamed for a lot but at the end of the day, we get it done. We tag our deer and bag our fowl like it's nobody's business. And yes as a matter of fact, I do hunt like a girl!

For more hunting-related Straight Southern posts:
It Bit Me
Becoming A Hunter

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