Friday, October 14, 2016

It Bit Me

Has anyone seen that bug crawling around. It's brown and furry, has antlers, it makes a snort wheeze sound and its venom has addictive properties. No? Well crap. See the problem is, I've been bit by it. It injected me with its venom, and despite only being bit once, I'm already severely addicted to the venom, I can't seem to find anything to stop the withdrawals.... If you're like me and you've been bit by "the bug" and you are now suffering from "Buck Fever", rest assured, there is a way to get some momentary relief..... Go hunting, shoot a deer and repeat, once the season is over you're screwed. 😂😂😂 Not funny? No. Okay.

Well I want to take this opportunity to tell you all that yes it's true the bug did bite me. I've been marking the days on my calendar for deer season. After so many bad experiences trying to deer hunt on my own I nearly gave up on it, until my deerfanatic boyfriend gave me another chance.

Armed with my Hoyt Ignite compound bow, Auriel, is her name, I made my first trek into the timber line on the outside of a half-turned bean field, in the dark, the morning of opening day, with a slight drizzle making droplets of rain run down my face.

I hadn't been to this particular stand on this timberline in a year, and when I went it was later last season when all the underbrush was completely dead. Needless to say, after my mate and I both making it to the woods later than intended, I had to settle for the fact I couldn't find the stand and that I was sure I had about 3-4 of those giant popcorn spiders crawling on me somewhere. So, with mildly wet clothes at this point, thankfully I had my duck hunting jacket on, I tucked myself into the timberline facing the bean field and sat on the ground while the drizzle of rain increased to a down pour.... Let me tell you, I didn't see a dang thing. And I was wet down to my britches!

Once the shivering took over, I called it quits and looked for my stand, it ended up being about 10 yards down from where I sat... With distaste in my mouth I walked back to the truck as it began pouring rain right about 8 a.m. Shortly after around 8:30 a.m. my mate comes at a brisk walk with his climber on his back. He didn't see nothing either and I was done and disappointed. I wasn't feeling like I had been bit at all, and I started to think that this was a dumb idea. Not to mention the mosquitos were so bad it reminded me of Arkansas in the summer.

But wait there's more.

That evening we went out, the weather channel said it wouldn't rain or that there was a 10% chance it might rain..... I think they forgot the other zero... Anyways we walk down and around, my mate splits off into the woods with his climber and I walk twice as far to a corn field and tuck myself into the timberline. I've got a northwestern wind coming in, so I setup east of three trails coming out of the timber about 10 yards apart. I just know that I've chosen a great spot.

Eventually around 4pm it begins to pour rain I mean like a fricken deluge. So at this point I'd rather be dry than be miserable like that morning, I don't care how many deer I scare off. I take out a camo rain pancho from my backpack and unfold it and lay it on the bushes, forging myself a shelter. I was dry as could be. Heh, I was feeling pretty proud of myself for the simple fact I knew my mate was getting rained on and I wasn't. (I know I have a sick sense of sarcasm and amusement.) 

So it poured for about an hour and a half, I played on my phone until the pitter patter on my pancho roof ceased. It was 5:00..... Nearly deer thirty.... I quietly pushed back my pancho roof (and by quietly I mean woke up the whole damn forest by rustling a rain pancho like a fat guy stuck in a windbreaker.) 

So there I was sitting with my trusty yet untested bow, feeling like a complete badass and just soaking up all of this "one-with-nature" shit I'd been feeding myself (a kashi granola bar and a honey bun to be exact, don't worry I zipped it up in a scent lock bag).

Practically ten minutes later, the Dippin Dots I had eaten on our drive to the woods decided to make a surprise visit to let me know they just had an affair with my Crohns Disease and on the way out banged my IBS. I knew a shitstorm was coming, no pun intended.

So I crept out of my makeshift brush blind and dug a hole to the east of it, or as deep as I could  with a rock a found. My stomach made terrible noises while I was digging. Just when the cold sweats hit me and I was beginning to think I was gonna have to wipe my bum with corn leaves or those nice looking poison ivy leaves over on a tree, I remembered I carried toilet paper and a jar with me for when I'm up in a stand.... No, stop it, I know what you're thinking. I didn't shit in a jar for crying out loud, I'd already dug a hole. But I did use the toilet paper. So as I bared my butt to the creatures of the forest I took care of my business while mosquito hell broke loose and gave my arse a fashionable look resembling chicken pox.

But I felt much better and crept back into my brush blind after covering my Dippin Dots hopefully for the last time.

About the time I start feeling bored its 5:48. I'm looking around and I'm like where the heck are these deer, this is so stupid, blah, blah, blah, bitch and moan inside my head so I don't scare of these potential deer.

Then an idea pops in my head! My mate just gave me a nice pair of binoculars. I'll use those and peer around down the rows of corn and see if anything is grazing its way east towards me.

So here I am intently peering in my binoculars, then, BAM! Deer head right in my friggin eyeballs. I jumped so hard. This particular deer hadn't grown into its ears or something, it looked like a real dumbass deer to be honest, but it was just flopping around its ears as it looked around. I slowly put down my binoculars and realized it was right at my 20 yard landmark I had picked out. I should've had my bow drawn instead of holding binoculars. (Let me tell ya, I won't ever pickup anything else other than my bow past 5:30 now!) But this dumb looking deer whom we will call Doopie, finally looked away and briskly hopped into the uncut corn, with three other younger doopies in tow. Not a one of em stopped. 

But of course not knowing what in the hell I'm doing I do a quick "baaaah" which is suppose to sound like a doe but comes out more like a sheep goat sound. Didn't matter, none of em stopped, except for the last one. And guess what? I still did not have my bow drawn because obviously I'm the dumbass.

The last doe looked away and continued into the corn and I knew I had missed my shot for the second time. But it didn't matter, that had been enough time for that dang bug to sneak in my britches and bite me right on my buns. My heart was already slamming in my throat and I felt like my arms were glued to my sides, and since when in the hell did my bow get this friggin heavy!!!?

About 6:15 I think what may have been the same group of deer came venturing back down in the corn headed my way, I saw the tops rustling and I was ready...too ready... I was drawn back.... The only thing I ever saw as they cut north through the cornfield were their four little white tails flicking as they ate corn like the hoes I mean does they are. I considered aiming for the largest one's  butthole, but I knew that taking such an unethical shot was not a good idea. So I didn't, but I reveled in the idea of shooting that deer in the arse.

Later on as everything was quieting down and the crickets were beginning to chirp, I heard a slow step that I knew could only be deer.... Oh boy, I took a peep through my sites just to make sure I could still see enough to get a shot on one and I waited. Six popped out of the trail 40 yards from me and they started heading directly my way. I don't know how I don't have a black eye from that because I felt my heart beating all over my face...

So here they come I'm ready, but I can draw just yet, they will see me and spook.... Come on just a little closer, because at 30 yards there's a dang tree limb in my way. They stop right at about 30 yards just behind the tree limb hanging low. Dang. Okay, let's play the waiting game...

Until this old cranky, greyed doe comes stepping forward like she owns the place and pegs me out immediately. Perhaps I was sticking out too far or I had some extra honeybun icing on my chin, I don't know. But she pegged me out. She kept creeping up on me to about 20 yards. All the while she was stomping her feet, getting ready to bust me out. I was like uh huh as soon as you turn your head Ima keel ya, ya old mean witch. She never turned though. She blew at me and pranced off behind the tree limb at 30 yards. She kept blowing and trying to alert the other does but they looked at her like she was stupid. So she began grazing down westward away from me so of course the rest of them followed her.

After a few more minutes of swatting mosquitos and my shooting light gone. I crawled out of my blind and made my way back to the truck to tell my mate all about it.

So yea I didn't get a shot, and I knew my chances of seeing something were slim, but hey call it beginners luck, but I picked my spot and I did good and I was proud. I've hunted a few more times since in that area and have seen more action. Still no chance to shoot. But to me it's the thrill of the hunt, not the thrill of the kill but the hunt. I'm that close, I'm blending in, they have no idea I'm there, it's like being in some tranquil peace, a give and take respect for the earth and its creatures, and blah, blah, blah, blah. Screw that I want to kill a deer. LOL just kidding. It is about the hunt and I do hope to harvest my first deer this year.... But we shall see.... Until then, keep it Straight Southern for me ❤️

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