Pillowtalk

Every so often I like to add new songs to my music library, which led me to opening my Shazam app where all of my late night drinking songs are stored. (For those of you who don't know, Shazam is an app that listens to songs playing in the environment and then tells you the name of the song and the name of the artist who sings it.) While I've definitely been guilty of using this app in a movie theater to find out who sings that really cool song I'm hearing to this fantastic action scene, I mostly use it when I'm out late at night in the bars and I hear a good song come on that I just have to have.

After using this app I usually forget by the next morning that I have used, so every few months I open a gold mine and there awaits me dozens of collected songs just waiting to bring me countless eargasms.

This morning I opened up my Shazam and went down the list adding the songs I found but, I paused when I came across PILLOWTALK by Zayne. I kept trying to figure out what song this was. So I used YouTube and looked it up and listened to it. Instantly I realized why I loved it, it had such a sweet easy melody along with words that would entrance any woman that had the time to actually listen to them. If you haven't heard the song, you can listen to it here.

Anyways, listening to this song brought a smile to my face and a little inspiration. So I thought I would take a stab at something intimate. With so many rules, ideas, hard times and good times that make a successful, happy relationship into what it is, its hard for anyone person to argue what you must and must not do in a relationship. But I am going to argue that point.

My argument begins with sending an applause to the lyricist who wrote PILLOWTALK. My argument continues with saying pillowtalk is a very vital important thing in every relationship. I've been in relationships that did not include very successful pillowtalk, and guess what? That's why they are past tense.

Communication is so important in a relationship. I know, I know, you know, he knows, she knows, we all know. We've heard it a million times. But it's true, which is why you still listen when a veteran couple lends advice on communication.

What most of those veteran couples actually don't tell you is the importance of finding the right time to communicate and not just ultimately about problems or issues but just in general. If you find that sweet spot as in time to communicate you can find a whole new level of intimacy in your relationship.

Contrary to modern belief, pillow talk is not necessarily associated with sex or something that happens after intercourse, it can and most often is the kind of conversation you have with your lover while you are both lying down in bed together.

Have you ever just laid down in bed and entangled yourselves in each other's arms and just talked, like seriously talked about anything and everything? Whether it be your life together, problems, your future together or maybe even reminiscence on memories you've made together. If you have then you know that undeniable feeling of love and mental pleasure pillowtalk brings just laying there listening to each other.

Many studies have shown, ah forget the studies, its obvious, pillowtalking connects partners emotionally and physically. But studies have shown that pillowtalking does cause a release of oxytocin, which is known as the fee[-good hormone that increases overall happiness, romantic attachment and empathy and even has an anxiolytic effect (anti-anxiety) and.....according to The Journal of Neuroscience in November 2012, it is a hormone that increases one's resolve to stay faithful to their partner.

And hanging on my previous statements we can conclude that one of the most important things pillowtalking does is build the connection and love in a relationship. Just listening to your partner calmly talking with you can act as a biological lullaby that soothes you from the day's anxieties and failures.

Because pillowtalking happens under calm, easy circumstances it relaxes the both of you, which in turn helps you both open up to more intimate communication without worrying about walking on eggshells into your next argument, which in turn increases trust in one another.

Pillowtalking is also one of those times when you have no one else attention but each others, a time when you can be alone with no distractions. You can spend an entire day alone with each other doing whatever, but the minute you lay down in bed and initiate pillowtalk and even only for a few minutes, you will feel that original spark that brought you two together in the first place, all over again.

While everything I say here is still 50 percent opinion, I would stake that 50 percent on science and go as far as to say that the couples who don't indulge in pillowtalk will never, ever know the connection for those who do pillowtalk.

All that being said, pillowtalking should always be ended on a positive note. It is a proven fact if you go to bed feeling negative or in a quarrel with your partner you will wake up feeling tired and drained in the morning, we've all been there before and it sucks.

Making a visible effort to make pillowtalk positive will show up in the relationship as your life together will start to feel more up-beat and exciting.

In case you need some help getting started consider these things for topics of your next pillowtalk:

-Make comparisons to other couples. What is something you admire in another couple? Without realizing it, by reflecting on something like this positively, you and your partner will subconsciously make positive changes in order to be more like the admirable couple.

-Talk about your future. Of course pillowtalk is for relationships that have already reached deep, so don't go scaring off your boyfriend/girlfriend of two weeks with talk of your future. But for those of you who are in a deeply intimate relationship, discuss your future plans, goals and lives. It's okay to fantasize with each other about what you want, it feels great and will in turn motivate the both of you to work together as a team to get to where you want to be.

-Compliment each other. Don't be a suck-up with obvious flattery, but bring up a situation or instance where your partner had to make a decision in how they would deal with an issue and compliment them on how they dealt with it. Or maybe even how you liked their new haircut. Be open, be honest, be genuine and your partner will sense this and it will draw the both of you closer.

-Reminisce on memories. Talk about how you two first met, or the first time you kissed or maybe even the first vacation you took together. All of these things will lead you into giggling conversations of romance that will make you feel like the luckiest couple in love ever.

-Talk about your past failures together. Those hurdles, or hard times you thought you would never make it through, reflect on those. See how far your love and dedication to one another has brought you.

-Your day. Yes lastly but not least. Just simply talk about your day, the good and the bad of it. The more you both open up about your daily lives, the stronger the connection you two will develop. If both of you are aware of each other's lives then there will be very little room for insecurity and jealous and a lot more room for trust and love.

So you have it, pillowtalk.... Go ahead, try it. You won't be sorry. And as always thanks for reading Straight Southern.