Friday, March 18, 2016

Love Or In Love

With all the technology in the world within a finger tips reach, and the world's standards constantly on a whiplashing rise, we find ourselves questioning the true value of everything including our relationships.

In this ever changing world, with pressure to find the right person for you, work hard and earn that true American Dream lifestyle, we find ourselves either settling for less or questioning our futures 20 years in advance just to attain the “perfect life” as its so often referred to. (By the way when someone finds it, let me know, I'll come join you.)

However, with all that in mind, we bring ourselves to the topic of having a companion. Perhaps you've only known each other a few months, or you've been dating for a few years, or maybe even you just got engaged! Whatever the case an important question to ask ourselves is: “Do I love this person or am I in love with this person?” Now I know you are wondering what on earth is the dang difference, well let me explain...

You can choose to love someone, anyone, based on interactions, a connection or even spending a lot of time together; any way that any relationship is developed: friends, family or mates.... Its natural. But, being on the subject of obtaining a life companion, you can find yourself in the same situation. Are you choosing to love this person? Can you choose to stop loving this person? The difference between loving someone and being in love is you don't get to choose who you are in love with, you really don't. When you are “in love”, you find yourself spiraling upwards into a positive relationship that completely happens without any intentions of your own or your consent. You cannot walk away from being in love unscathed, if you leave, the feeling of being “in love” will follow you- which most likely will lead to the notion of “the one that got away” or “the one you never got over.” Loving someone differs in this matter that you choose to see their best qualities despite being outnumbered by their bad qualities, you choose to cover over what they are and what they do with love... Let me tell you, chosen love will only take you so far, trust me I know. Chosen love is the same as obligational love.

Another difference between loving someone and being in love with them is if you love them, you want the best for them, you wish to see them succeed and do well in their endeavors, but the question is are you really willing to make the sacrifices necessary to their happiness? Will you move with them? Will you help around the house when they are not able to? Will you support them during a career advancement despite your disapproval? The answer to those questions are based upon chosen love, if you are choosing to love this person, the answer is simply: no. On the other hand, as corny as it is, you will follow the other person to the ends of the earth if you are “in love”, you will do whatever it takes for that person, (breaking the law is ridiculous, you're obsessed haha!) anyways you will do whatever it takes to make the other person happy, successful and satisfied because when you are in love you recognize the need to put the other person's needs first because your happiness is linked to theirs and vice versa.

When you love someone, it can end at any moment, chosen love has limited days, but being in love is forever, a feeling that will never leave, even upon death of your companion, and even after you recover and move on, it will never go away. Chosen love can end through a matter of things: fights, annoying habits, being in a bad mood on a particular day- in other words you feel like you're walking on eggshells in your relationship. When you are in love though, love is not that delicate, it stays through the fights, annoying habits, mood swings and life crisis, love is essentially unbreakable when it's true.

Loving someone means you more than likely want to smother them, you don't want them to spend time with their friends and family, you find your selfish desire to keep them bound to your side overwhelming. Why? Because you know its chosen love and it can end at any moment. But wait, what if you don't feel this way? It's because you are in love, you want this person to be in their happy place at all times, if its a girls night (or guys night out), or visiting family, you're okay with it, you let them go because you know that you are truly in love and that they will always come right back home to you where they belong, true love is not only unbreakable but it is trusting.

Loving someone is a sudden rush of giggly emotions that make you feel like a high schooler out with their first boyfriend (or girlfriend). But you will soon find that chosen love, will dwindle down and you will soon find yourself bored of the relationship and either A: feeling to invested, obligated or afraid of loneliness to break it off or B: wondering why in the heck you were ever with this person in the first place. Being in love with the other person will compare as it brings you a steady flow of emotions, usually after the first three months you can tell the difference between true love and love mistaken for temporary infatuation. Being in love brings you a steady supply of happiness, of course no relationship is perfect but a relationship from true love recovers fast from mishaps. If you find yourself or your partner giving each other the silent treatment for more than 24 hours you may find yourself in a chosen love situation. Being in love will make you feel so happy and glad that you are with the other person.

Being in love is about how you make the other person feel, if its all about how the other person makes you feel, then I'm sorry but that's a selfish loveless motive. While the person you are in love with should make you feel amazing you find that when you are in love you are concerned with how you make them feel whether it be emotionally, mentally, physically or sexually, you care. Loving someone will always be about how they make you feel, and you will often find yourself neglecting to show affection and saying I love you to the other person.

Being in love is a partnership, you two want to be each other's. You both give an get and you both pick up the slack when the other cannot do their part due just life in itself. However, loving someone is ownership, you want to brand the other person as yours, usually jealousy takes over to the point where you put the other on house arrest and even go as far as to limiting the other person of participating in their hobbies or enjoying their free time. If your woman companion plays the piano and you find yourself jealous of the piano or your male companion enjoys working on his old car and you find yourself jealous of the car- you are definitely not in love. Save the both of you- this is not love.

Loving someone often comes with the phrase “it shouldn't be this hard” and that's exactly right because when you are in love you find it to be effortless, your love grows and your bond strengthens without a constant argument fueled battle. There will always be hard days in relationships even the ones where you are in love with this person, but it will never feel like work and you will never feel that you don't love that person just because of their mistakes. Chosen love will always make you feel like you are working, it will exhaust you to the point you will stop doing your favorite things or you find yourself just trying to get away from the other person. True love will carry you over and through the storms of life, together, never apart.

I hope this little bit from me provided any of you with a little insight into your relationships as this has been a largely requested topic for sometime now. Writing this topic truly came from inside today, as I have loved someone and I am in love now. Feeling the difference between the two served as my inspiration for today. Thank y'all again for being my fans, readers and supporters! All of your comments mean so much to me.

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