Tuesday, November 17, 2015

Things Only Southerners Say and Do

First of all just to start this off, if you're southern and you're reading this, you can all too well relate. For any Yankees reading this, I apologize, we southerners do weird things (weird to ya'll) but you're just as weird to us.

You know you're southern if:

1. You don't "have" but "pitch" a fit.

2. You've ever spent an hour combing through honeysuckle for nectar to eat.

3. Running the "sweeper" refers to the vacuum.

4. Striking up a full blown conversation with a stranger isn't weird, its good manners.

5. "The cake isn't ready to be iced right yet." I can't really explain this one but, saying the cake isn't ready to be iced isn't sufficient until you add "right yet."

6. You still let the screen door slam because it reminds you of your childhood in the South.

7. You know if you have a plural quantity of poke salad, turnips, greens or pecans its called "a mess."

8. Southern food is delicious but its even better if you find a way to combine everything into a "casserole." Breakfast casseroles, brunch casseroles, lunch casseroles, dinner casseroles, dessert casseroles. If you can put it in a baking dish, you'll make a casserole every time.

9. The G gets left off of 98% of your words when talking: fixin = fixing; puddin = pudding; everythin = everything; lettin = letting; goin = going; havin = having; lightnin = lightning; you get the idea.

10. Potential snow days become instant emergencies causing everyone to rush off to Walmart to buy up groceries for the apocalyptic inch of snow that was predicted for tomorrow...It just ends up raining instead.

11. Everyone NORTH OF THE CONFEDERATE STATES LINE is a "damn Yankee." Whether you talk like a Bostonian or not, you're still a Yankee.

12. Jars have many uses such as: catching lightnin bugs (fireflies to Yankees) and for fine drinkware. Sweet tea always taste best in a mason jar.

13. You give directions by describing the nearest church because, in the South there's a church on every corner...literally.

14. Sweet pea, cutie pie, cupcake, honey bun, sugar, pumpkin, baby cakes, love muffin and sugar plum simply does not refer to food but a loved one whether it be family, friends or a significant other. My personal favorites are "sweet pea" (what my grandmother calls me all too often) and "sugar" (what my mom calls me when I'm sick or having a bad day.)

15. You see a bottle of pink wine and Deana Carter's "Strawberry Wine" starts playing in your head.

16.  Football is religion. If someone walks in front of the TV while Bama, Ole Miss, LSU or my home state Razorbacks are on, they are getting the "clicker" thrown at them. (No its not a remote or a controller.)

17. You hear your own southern accent from a home video and cringe.

18. You feel guilty if you say "God darnit" instead of "gosh darnit." Notice "darnit" can also be pronounced as "dernit" "darn" and "dern."

19. You have an emergency collection of southern movies in case you get homesick: Steel Magnolias, Forrest Gump, Mud, Walk the Line, O' Brother Where Art Thou, The Man in the Moon, Sling Blade, To Kill a Mockingbird, Driving Miss Daisy, Fried Green Tomatoes, Great Balls of Fire and True Grit.

20. You call every male and female 18 years or over "Ma'am" or "Sir." Usually preceded by yes or no when answering questions or acknowledging someone. Contrary to belief you DO NOT say "yes'm" or "nah sir."

21. Its only proper to dress up to go to the doctor or to fly on an airplane. Public is not the time for comfortability. But you wish it was during those July summers.

22. You've had fried chicken and waffles...together... for breakfast or dinner....Nough said.

23. You know no matter what Yankee state you're in if you run into a fellow southerner, you've instantly made a new friend even if you only just met 5 minutes ago.

24. Not all southerners can cook or grow a Garden of Eden but, usually if you can't do one you can do the other. Fortunately I got my baker's hand from my Nanny and my green thumb from my Papa.

25. And my favorite...... "Bless your heart." This can have many meanings but all mean we are politely talking trash to your face in three little words. "Well bless her little heart" = "Put on your big girl panties and deal with it"; "Bless your heart" = "You're an idiot."

No comments:

Post a Comment