Sunday, May 7, 2017

It's a Hard-Knock Life

Confidence can get you far. Sometimes though, confidence only goes skin deep. We all have positive and negative things in our lives. Some we wished for and others we were given by life itself.


Sometimes because of the uncontrollable things in our lives we find ourselves wishing for someone else's life. 


But what we don't realize is each and everyone of us have travelled down a path unique to our very person that has enabled us to handle things in life better than the next person who hasn't lived our life. You can take your journey through life and swap lives with someone you perceive to have the perfect life, only to find they are going through something you had no idea about. 


I had someone tell me the other day they wished they could have my life. Little do they know, my life is far from perfect. This blog post isn't a whine story about my personal insecurities and problems in life but rather a look past my skin.


The imperfection in my life starts with the mirror. I own who I am, I love who I am, but sometimes that love teeters on a fine line of self hate. Outwardly and a little inwardly I'm confident of how I look. But you see the world has these outrageous beauty standards. All it takes is for me to stand naked in front of the mirror and to remember a woman I saw every male in the bar fawning over. 


This woman is the most beautiful blonde you ever saw, with bright blue eyes, perfect white teeth, a face that you can't help but feel drawn into when your eyes meet her smile and a body you could swear fell out of a Victoria's Secret catalog.


 The problem is that I know I fall way below those standards, instead of being confident that I'm great just the way I am, I analyze how I can change the way my body and face looks only to end with a depressing sigh because I am who I am. I can't change the way god made me. Sure I can go under the knife and let doctors shape me into a Barbie doll- but who would ever want or love someone that vain? 

But more thoughts follow those: who would want me the way I am now? Nobody. It's a lose, lose.


"I wish I could be like her, she's so pretty everybody loves her." -Mistake 1


More imperfection carries into my life- that same girl I saw in the bar, was very charismatic, every person of any walk of life and gender pined for her attention. She had a laugh that sounded like bells ringing. Her happiness just seemed to saturate the room and cover everyone up in a good time. 


When I enter a room, nobody notices I'm there, not that I want to be noticed, but I want to be able to spread happiness and positivity with every footprint I leave.

 

"I wish I could be like her, everyone loves being around her."-Mistake 2


This same woman has a lot of money, she's perceived as very successful in life, she drives a nice car, wears nice clothes, carries a big rock on her hand and lives in a big house.


I am not quite so sparkly, as I come with a paycheck to paycheck policy that has passed up more success in life than I've gained, I drive a decent vehicle with a few scratches and cloth seats, I wear secondhand and clearance clothes, I carry my family's heirloom on my hand and I live in a small single family house. My life is clean and solid but not quite so luxurious and shiny.


I could spend every second wishing and working every hour of every day striving for what I wish I had.


"I wish I could be like her, her life is perfect!"- Mistake 3


The positives about myself.... searching....

If I dig deep enough, I can come up with a few:

I can handle pain, physical, mental and emotional. I can take it like it doesn't phase me like the stabs at my heart are deflected by impenetrable cold hard ice. 


I can handle life going to shit because I've been to the bottom with no money, I can draw something from nothing, because the only way I've ever had something is because I made it happen for myself. I make friends easy because I know the worth of loyalty and what it's like to need somebody when you have nobody.


"Those positives don't help me in any way- they will never help me get to the blonde's life that I want so badly, so what use are they?"-Mistake 4


Little do I know... this blonde... is beautiful... but those who really know her, find her appalling because she has an attitude and vicious side with absolutely no value of loyalty that has pushed away most of her friends. Those who are drawn to her and beg for her attention are always after what she has. Men just want what they can get out of her, even women think they can get some spare change thrown their way. But keep peeling back her skin and you'll find she's trapped with her abusive husband because if she leaves him she'll be in debt up to her pretty blues. All of her costly nice things come at a cost to her own humanity.

 

But what I really don't know about her, is that she wishes she could have my life- I have true friends I can trust with my life. Everyone is cordial and friendly with me, no one is after my money or my shiny things. My partner treats me as his equal and loves me unconditionally. I don't have much to my name but I'm not in debt. 


Without knowing her side of the story, my life can seem mediocre.


However, knowing her side of the story shows me who I am and makes me happy to be, well, me. I am who I am, because of where I've been. I'll be even better because of where I'm going.


Don't forget it friends, curse the mirror, wish for a better life, but at the end of the day, love who you are- because no one, no one, can replace you.



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