Saturday, April 22, 2017

Real Life Struggles of Women

Being a woman in this day and age is more than just being a gender, its more or less a full-time job. We go through so many struggles that men could never fathom. They don't understand just how real the struggle is...although they do try their best to accommodate us.

Any woman who is considered to be grown nowadays would understand the all too real struggle of keeping up with contouring. I mean even some men are doing it. I can barely put on makeup without looking like an emo kid from the 2000s, and you've got these divas on YouTube who can make themselves look like Kim Kardashian. But we women who don't contour rest soundly at night knowing we can go for a swim and not come back up looking like Medusa.

Don't even get me started on bodily maintenance. Sometimes I just wish I could've been born back during the B.C. Ages. We are covered in hair for a reason, but for some damn reason that I don't know we have all been trained from a young age to shave ourselves into a bunch of naked mole rats. Yeah you know what I'm talking about...Wake up in the morning hoping to wear that cute new dress to work, but a quick swipe over the legs makes that overpriced dress a “no-go”. Even better, when your man is kissing you and you know where its heading, the hole time hes running his hands up and down your legs you are screaming at yourself, “WHY DIDN'T I SHAVE THIS MORNING!? HE'S GONNA THINK I'M A DAMN WOOKIE1” Yeah... the struggle is real.

B.R.A......A man had to have been the one to invent a bra. Today's society seriously expects us to strap our beloved girls up tight enough to constrict a rat like a boa and high enough to leave the horse on the ground. Clearly though, this same inventor of the bra had a deal with Karma. We women are all naturally bitchy at times, but put an extra bitch in bitchy and Karma releases the mighty threads of your over the shoulder boulder holder, allowing wire stab your fat blobs right in the mammary gland.

We do have some advantages though, as women... I can only count like one, maybe two. If you got a pretty face or a puddin' face you can get a lot out of men if you know how to use what god gave you right. Flutter your eyelashes like you're whipping up the next hurricane Katrina and that speeding ticket just turned into a warning.

Men like to complain about our “girl stuff” taking over the bathroom, but I mean come one, we do try to downsize but we need so much to keep up our delicate bodies. Shampoo is an obvious need, but conditioner is to keep the hair soft. Body wash for keeping that smell they love on us so much, shaving gel for our legs, arms and down under; heat protection- I mean duh gotta protect our hair from the curling iron's wrath; argan oil for some shine; hand lotion; body lotion; foot scrub; nail polishes- a color for every mood; face wash, face toner, facial moisturizer, deodorant, perfume, maaaaaakeup(20 items or more right there).... Girl stuff is necessary damnit!

Clothes...ugh...we need so many but hate most of them. You can't ever buy the same size of clothing at every store, because whatever is a 6 at Maurice's is an 8 at Rue21. Online shopping is a complete fail. I can't ever buy anything online and get the size right the first time. By time I pay all the shipping charges to return it three times (even after using the store's sizing chart) I could've bought 3-4 new shirts.

Last but not least....You can't ever be angry and be taken seriously. When women get angry its cute or funny. When I'm pissed off, I want to be feared like I'm Maleficent. Sadly all I ever get is laughter... The only time when we are ever actually allowed to be angry is during that “time of the month” and if you got the balls to mention it, you won't have 'em after you say it.

The struggle of every woman is real, but the world just wouldn't be the same without us and our quirky little hangups. Have you got your own real-life womanly struggles? Email me yours, I'd love to hear from my female Straight Southern readers! Love y'all, keep it pretty, keep it classy and always keep it just a bit smart assy!  


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