Wednesday, June 22, 2016

Hashtag Live With a Diabetic

I would like to apologize for the delay in updating my blog in the past week and a half, it seems summertime activities have gotten the best of my time, which I do not mind.

However, I've spent some time thinking about the three-part story I was last working on, I've received so many emails urging me to keep writing it or to turn it into a book. I have definitely decided I want to turn it into a book, I have also decided upon a name for it which was so graciously named by one of the real-life main characters. I am still unsure as to whether or not I want to keep posting new chapters publicly, as legally, I will be allowed to post three-fourths of it online, the other fourth will have to be withheld for publishing reasons.... So let me know if you would like to read new chapters or not of.... “The Last Beginning.”

Today, I am going to give my readers at least a relatable blog post, until I decide upon posting more of “The Last Beginning.”

This one is for my readers that are diabetic (as I am type-1 myself), or perhaps even those out there dating, living with or married to a diabetic... For the rest that do not understand, I apologize, this is only diabetic-related humor:

Lost Pages of Dating a Diabetic

*Be prepared at all times, while generally your diabetic lover should be responsible, the many facets of managing this disease tends to scatter our brains.

*Juice boxes: Generally the best solution to a blood sugar low, whether it be HI-C or Capri Sun, don't let them catch you drinking one, you will be in big trouble. This also includes eating our candy or glucose tabs, I promise glucose tabs are not giant smarties.

*You will feel overwhelmed, like you are losing control of your life, as thousands upon thousands of test strips invade your home: in the fridge, under couch cushions, wedged under the baseboard, in the bed, in your car, in the garage, in the dryer, and occasionally in your buttcrack!

#side note# Do not attempt to look in a female diabetic's purse, the inside will include about 2 lbs worth of used test strips and what looks like a murder scene... why? Because, “ain't nobody got time for that.”

*Your worry and concern is well-founded, it is not advised to piss off a diabetic, at their silent treatment will lead to even more worry.

*Read up on ketones, this is the only known illness to replicate PMS symptoms, even in men. Its very dangerous, despite whatever hilarious reactions it may cause out of your diabetic.

*Do not blame a diabetic's bad mood on their blood sugar levels unless you can actually prove this: We are allowed to be in a bad mood without our blood sugar being high or low #fuckoff.

*Water is our best friend, but we'd rather drink diet soda. Don't ever offer us regular soda, unless our sugar is low.... That stuff is toxic...

*Don't refuse us sweets, we know how to manage our disease and to adjust occasionally.

#side note# If you would like to keep living it is highly recommended that you do not insinuate that your diabetic has their condition, due to too much sugar intake when they were younger, as this is not the case.

*To wipe or to suck, that is the question... Little finger pricks, will leave blood trails longer than that of a deer that has been shot. Sometimes we get gushers, that spray up into the air, its kind of entertaining, its suggested you grab papertowels and rags if you ever hear us scream “we've struck gold!” this is relatable to drilling for oil.....

*We get sick easy, very, very easy... Don't go letting people bring their snotty-nosed, runny-eyed, smoker-coughing children around us... Chances are, their child has a better immune system than we do. A 2 to 7 day cold turns into a 7 to 14 day cold for us.

*We get hangovers, all the time... The feeling after a blood sugar low is the same crappy feeling of the worst hangover of your life.... This feeling even arises after high blood sugars, so be patient, offer us some water and Tylenol.

#side note# When we get low blood sugar, we tend to turn into red-eyed monsters that raid the fridge and eat you out of house and home.... The only memory or recollection we have of terrorizing your kitchen is the severe bellyache and sugar hangover from eating too much.... We are sorry for this in advance.

*Do not let us drive, operate heavy machinery, cook or do anything other than sit or lie down during a low blood sugar... This can also apply to a blood sugar over 250... Our brains and bodies are being starved, we cannot think, literally, once again it is like being buzzed or drunk with high or low blood sugar.

*It is advised to avoid intentionally angering a diabetic as they have easy access to sharp objects, mainly needles.

*Please don't panic when we panic, we need someone to be strong and steady until we get our issues sorted out.

*DO NOT and I mean DO NOT, compare our disease to cancer or anything else by saying “It could be worse”, unless you have a death wish or something.

*We are control freaks, for the simple fact we are always chasing our blood sugars around, like a young new mom trying to control triplet 2 year olds in the store.... Some of us are natural born leaders, so this “control” aspect spills over into our personal advance.

#side note#Do not call us Hitler or Mussolini....We will make them look like saints...

*As much as you may irritate us with constant questions, we do appreciate the concern and the fact that you care enough to know and make sure we are okay.

Hope all of my diabetic readers out there, enjoyed a little dry humor.... Let me know. Also everyone please take a vote on “The Last Beginning.” Thank you for your input and for reading Straight Southern.

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