Tuesday, April 26, 2016

A Southern Woman's Guide To Taking Your Yankee Home To Mama

As promised here is the follow up post “Taking Your Yankee Home to Mama” as a follow up to “A Southern Woman's Tips To Dating A Yankee.”


  • First of all on your trek back home to the south, drill it through your Yankee's head that it is NOT okay to mock the southern accent of folks down there as there are way more of them than there are of him.

  • Make sure his ears, neck and nose is clean, Mama hates a dirty boy.

  • Remember to tell him to take off his shoes, you already do this by habit when you step into Mama's clean house. It'd be best if him and Mama didn't make first impressions with her swatting him out of the door with a broom.

  • Put aside your pride in your Yankee man and dig down deep and ask yourself “Is my Yankee really that good at pool?” Because if he isn't he will completely embarrass you in a pool hall when he tries a behind-the-back shot and misses. If he makes it though, every man in that pool hall will give you a nod of approval.

  • Even if he hates it, hold your 12 gauge up to his head and force him to drink Budlight, or it won't be Mama he has a problem with.... Daddy will string him up...

  • Make sure that public displays of affection are kept to a minimum during your first visit, Mama, Daddy nor even Grandma like the idea of some Yankee man feeling up their sweet little southern charm.

  • Explain every odd saying your Mama has to say so he gets the gist of what she is saying, he's learned to translate you but not Mama.

  • If he doesn't already follow A-typical manners then make sure you keep on his tail about saying his ma'am and sirs.

  • Give him a heads up about how dark and sweet the tea is and if he thinks he can't handle it, then he shouldn't ask for it, or it will be offensive to Mama, watching him pour it out.

  • Warn him not to fall victim to Mama's stare down, because chance's are he's gonna lose and Mama won't have any respect for him. It's best for him to say something, look her in the eyes for a few moments and then look away. He can't handle having his soul stared into just yet, he barely handles it from you.

  • Make him clean his plate, or Mama will be offended he didn't finish his supper.

  • Last but not least, if he doesn't hunt or fish, doesn't have a job and his own truck (cars are not acceptable) then don't even take him home to Mama or she's gonna rip him up like a slave's hand in a cotton gin.

If your Yankee survives the visit home to the South and you receive the nod of approval from Mama, Daddy and Grandma, then you got yourself a keeper. It's now best to take him home and let him rest after a few days in the South, he's exhausted and a little dazed and confused. He's been officially culture shocked.

Love y'all and thanks for reading Straight Southern!

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