Wednesday, February 24, 2016

Rebounding Is Part Of Healing

Rebounding after a big breakup is one of the most crucial points in readying yourself for your next serious relationship. Whether you're rebounding from a divorce, engagement break-off or just a serious committed boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, this post is to let you know its perfectly okay.

The motive for your rebound may be out of spite, loneliness, freedom of independence, sexual desire or just getting your kicks. We all go through those “flavor of the week” rebounds to get ourselves over and through the emotional and physical heartbreak we are experiencing.

Some who rebound date choose to keep sex out of the question and use the opposite sex for sheer choice of entertainment to avoid long lonely weekends (of this, yes even I was guilty when trying to get through my divorce.) In fact I encourage this rebound outlet, if you find your sexual drive insatiable then get yourself a “friend with benefits”(FWB) to avoid having several sexual partners during your single life but also to have a friend you can call up at 3 a.m. to complain about all the bullshit in your head.

While I personally have never had a FWB, I will say this, your ex, especially if he is a man and especially if you were the one that broke it off will try very hard to get you to be his FWB. Something in a man's mind tells him if he can get you to sleep with him one more time he can show you how you two can work it out... Let me tell you he's going to rebound just as much as you are, so leave him alone, let him heal and let yourself heal.

Rebounding is a healthy part of the “healing” stage of your broken heart. You come across so many new people, cultures and lifestyles. If you were with the same person for many years (in my case 4 years) it may be scary getting back into the world again. From my own personal experience I wasn't even sure how to interact with men I was interested in; I had begun dating my ex husband when I was 16 we married at 18 and divorced when I was 20 (yeah, yeah, dumb mistake) but the time I should've spent still in a relationship with him getting to know him before making the mistake of rushing into marriage or the time I should've spent going through those young relationship swings I didn't have that, I spent it committed and married and that was okay with me at the time. For people with the quality of long term commitment, we miss single life sometimes but never enough to dwell on it more than a few seconds. I myself am one of those people.

Rebounding also helps you see yourself in a better light. If your ex was abusive whether it be physical or verbal, or maybe if they were just not into, or seemed to hate everything about you, you will be coming back into the world with the worst self esteem possible. However, once you put yourself out there you will feel your confidence coming back, you will feel like the hottest thing on the block and that's okay. Do not, I repeat do not give two flying flips about what anyone thinks, you're single, you don't have to put up with anyone you don't want to. Except for law enforcement, if they think you're reaching the point of lewd behavior in public from intoxication- go home, take your single butt home, do not make a fool of yourself just because you can- that's not what I'm getting at.

Rebounding will also show you that not all men are disrespecting douche bags and not all women are fake whores. It will also show you that while there will be many possible good matches out there for you, you absolutely shouldn't settle on someone and wave off one tiny little red flag just because you like everything else about them... If they are throwing you a red flag, use them as a rebound and hop off to your next adventure. (When I say use someone as a rebound, I mean, take them as a lesson, learn and apply. Seek out what you do and do not want in your next relationship, this will help you in the future.)

Also the “rebound” stage of your single life has no time limit, it could be long, it could be short, its really something you can't put a time stamp on. You will come across many of the opposite sex that make you blush, bat your eyelashes or go out of your way to impress them, but when you're done rebounding, when you're ready to settle back down again you won't have a choice. The right person will pull you in and keep you there.

At times during the rebound its hard to see the light at the end of the single tunnel. Some people enjoy long bouts of being single while others seek out a new relationship as fast as possible. Whatever your reasoning don't end your rebound on your own terms, it will end itself. If you try to tell yourself, “Yes this is the one, this is the right person, I'm ready for a new serious relationship,” you're only fooling yourself. When you find the right “one” which could end up to the “one” you spend the rest of your life with (hopefully this time anyways haha) you will not be expecting it. In fact when you find this “one” you will be at the peak of your independence in your rebound, you will find yourself having the most fun, enjoying your freedom, no longer needing a cuddle buddy for Netflix or wishing you had a fishing partner, no you will be thinking to yourself “I don't need a man” or “I don't need a woman”. But guess what, they don't need you, but they do want you, and you will find yourself wanting them. The connection will be undeniable.

Here you will have spent the last few months or maybe even years rebounding, bouncing from here to here and from there to way over there but when you least expect it you will find yourself settling down with a special someone, or maybe you'll even find yourself pulling away from them, choking for air, clawing at your single freedom slipping away- while that is all dramatically inclined its true, you will feel that secret, strong and serious connection again, it will scare the living daylights out of you. All you will think is “Oh, no, no, no it can't be!” You will fight it, but you will lose.

Last but not least, when your rebound comes to a close, remember everything it taught you about men, women, money, personalities, your goals long and short term, your ambitions and your life plan. You will need those things coming through your next and hopefully last relationship, because you will be going through the hardest part. Most all think they have healed when they are done rebounding and settle back down into a serious relationship, but you are not. You will not heal until that “one” to bring you out of it rips off your temporary band-aids you placed over your heart and replaces them with their own hand placed stitches. You will heal in happy and sad ways over and over. You will find your happy place again, with the right person by your side, I promise. Keep your heads up friends. I love you all!

No comments:

Post a Comment