Saturday, January 16, 2016

Take A Lesson From Me

We all do stupid things, some more so than others and some worse than others. Doing the "wrong" thing doesn't make you a bad person and it doesn't mean that's who you are, of course minorly speaking. Stealing merchandise, cheating on your significant other, murder or anything along those lines...uhhhh yeah.....You got issues haha! I'm serious....

Occasionally though whether its our past, fear, to get what we want, protection or to surprise someone we may tell a little white lie or a big ole whopper. We all have lied I don't care what you say about "Honest Abe" we've all lied at least once in our lives, "fibs" counted.

However, what most don't consider, is although most lies never turn out to be much, the important ones most certainly do come back to bite you in the ass. There will always be that one person that is an asshole "truth finder" that will expose you. While we all hate those sort of snoopy, behind your back "types" they do bring out the truth so you can't blame them, you can just wish they'd stick their nose somewhere else.

Either way, once you get caught in a lie, whether it was intentional to cause hurt, to cause fear or to protect yourself, you expereince the state of being"humiliated". Yep its awful, no one else will understand why you said or did what you did... Only you will know... Not everyone will forgive you, no matter how much you go out of your way to prove yourself. Trust isn't freely given these days and once you break it, it can literally take weeks, months, maybe even years to earn it back.

When you lie to family, friends or the love of your life, you have to face the consequences. Yes of course they will forgive you because, they love you. The easiest, harshest way to test love is by lying ( no I'm not saying go out and lie to them to test your relationship strength!) The consequences will vary well entail being questioned about the stupidest things- but hey that's part of it. Trust has to be earned.

When I was three years old, I had long beautiful brown hair down past my waist line with sun-kissed golden curly locks at the bottom. My mother had always trusted me with pre-school scissors, simply because she knew I was a reasonable child and wouldn't ever cut books or things I wasn't suppose to. She knew I knew I was to only use them for craft activities. Well one day, I decided a couple of my barbie dolls needed new hair....You know exactly where this is going... These particular barbie dolls happened to have brown hair like mine... I grabbed my scissors and started snipping away at the barbies' hair, they now looked fabulous with their new choppy bobs....Not... I thought they did anyways.... But ohhhh whats this, hmmm, these scissors cut their hair, what about mine? Just a few snips won't hurt.... My mother soon found me with about 2-3 different chops in my hair ( only about 2 inches missing from each) and a floor full of barbie hair... She asked me directly if it was my barbies' hair or mine. I looked her in the face and said it was all my barbies hair... She wasn't exactly thrilled I cut my barbies' hair but she wasn't upset... that is until she noticed my hair..... Lord, I thought that woman was ridiculous at the time, she was so upset over me cutting my hair, she was ANGRY to say the least....I look back now.... No she was angry because I lied to her and attempted to get away with it... You could say I was grounded from scissors for awhile and of course when I did receive the privilege back, I had to be supervised and had to ask for them in order to use them... Of course after building trust, eventually the both of us consciously forgot about the incident and I had my own pair of scissors in my room again.

So yes you can be forgiven for a lie, but you have to be willing to take the punishment for it. And just because you haven't been caught doesn't mean you won't ever be caught, it's just a matter of when.

Besides, its not worth hurting those you love, its not worth hurting yourself and its not worth the embarrassment, believe me.

Recently, I did something stupid, I lied to my whole family and my soulmate... I didn't per say lie exactly about it, but I chalked it up a bit, enough to cause a ruckus. I thought I had my reasons, I thought I was "protecting" myself...but I wasn't. I'm not telling you all this to rat myself out, I'm telling you all so that if you've never had the chance to learn the "harder" lessons in life, learn from me.... No matter how much you think its worth I'm here to tell you its not... It does not feel good to have everyone question everything you do or to question who you really are. You may not be a liar by nature, it may be habit, or like I said out of fear.... Whatever the case don't do it... I'm now in the process of earning everyone's trust back... Its tough, but I know my family loves me and will forgive me, I know my mate loves me and I can only hope he has begun to forgive me, I now am doing what I can, being as transparent as possible to earn his trust and my family's trust back...Most of all though I feel sorry for hurting the man I love so deeply.

In any case when considering wanting forgiveness with your mate, make sure its not out of "guilt." Make sure your entire relationship wasn't built on lies. Because they will question everything you two have together. They will question if it was ever real to begin with... It hurts I know, but its part of those consequences we talked about. (Keep in mind, I'm talking about lying about things, not cheating or infidelity, if you committed such an act, you're on your own. I may have lied but I'm also a loyal person. If you're even considering cheating on your mate, then here's my advice, "Break it off because it was never real what you two had before if you're considering hurting them to that degree.")
Anyways like I said, seek forgiveness out of love and not guilt.

You may ask how do you know the difference? Seeking forgiveness out of love is realizing the connection you have with your mate, that everything you've built your relationship on was not a lie and is very true and loving. Seeking forgiveness out of guilt is feeling bad about hurting them and wanting to make it up to them... Now you can still seek forgiveness out of love and feel hurt about hurting them- this is a good thing, it allows you to evaluate that you do love them. But if you're seeking forgiveness just to make it up to them and you search yourself you will find you really haven't an interest in being with them... Forgiveness does not come cheap, don't waste someone else's time if you're not even invested.

As for me, I currently seek forgiveness from my family out of love and from my mate out of love...
Inspired by asking my mate for forgiveness out of love I wrote this recently:

I'm sorry I hurt your heart,
Us I wasn't trying to put apart.

A lie I told,
In confidence so bold.

Please dear forgive me,
I love you please see.

A fear of past,
Those memories last

To protect or surprise
Has become my demise

Filled with sorrow,
Praying for tomorrow.

To you will I ever,
Lie again, no, never.

My own stitches I did break,
Yours too for our sake.

Perfect I am not,
Truth I wasn't taught.

The hardest lesson learned,
That trust must be earned.

In your shoes I've been,
So why hurt you then?

Fear makes us irrational,
Pain was not intentional.

Letting go of back then,
So I can be me again.

I will show you the real me,
Lies have no part, please see.

You I will never take for granted,
No not again to be frantic.

Not powered by guilt,
I'll take a knee by the hilt.

So much love I have for you,
I only hope you have it too.

Forgiveness I seek for,
As to open a new door.

Proving myself true,
Our memories won't rue.

In hopes we get past this,
Only to find our bliss.

But I know,
Real love cannot be put apart,
That's why I trust your heart.

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