Finding Home

Sometimes I miss Arkansas a lot. Enough to bring me to tears. It was my home for 20 years, so of course how could I not. The people and the economy are by no means any part of my sorrow, but my family, friends, stompin' grounds and way of life is there. Sometimes its hard living in a place where everything is so culturally opposite of what you're use to.

I've been in the process of learning something though. Two expressions we all know, “home is where the heart is” and “home is where you make it.” When I hear the first, my thought is, my heart is all over the place, there's a piece of my heart everywhere, which tells me home is here, there, and right over yonder. When I hear the second it makes the first so much clearer. I realize now where home is, because home is here in Illinois where I made it, with my mate.

For the first time in a very long time, I found a place where I belong, where I'm wanted and loved just the way I am. A place of my own to call home, a place to make warm meals and entertain family and friends, a place to come home to my love in bed. A place where I know my heart will always yearn for my roots but will always sleep sound knowing after 20 years it finally found its home.

My home is here where I made it, where my heart is with Brandon. That's a blunt, mushy and straight forward statement. But I've learned if you can't be honest with your self like that then you're pulling the wool over your own eyes. No since in blindly searching for something that is right in front of you.

While I would've gladly made my home anywhere by myself, home just feels so much more like HOME with my mate by my side. We'd follow each other to the ends of the earth and that's how it should be; not one always following the other. (Maybe I'll write about that too one day.)

My roots in Arkansas will always be a part of me and I'll never outgrow that. I will always make sure its an important part of me because that's why I am who I am. Its important you never forget where you came from, in so many ways on so many levels.

My home here in Illinois will always be a part of me. No matter if I'm in Wyoming in 20 years or Italy in five years. I'll always know where home is. I'll always have a place with my mate to come back home to.

My heart is of course with my home. However my soul has a different resting place when it becomes of age. I've always said when God made me, he formed my soul out of the Ozark Mountains. Its the one place I feel like should be my final resting. Thankfully Brandon and I both agree on retiring to my family's land in Fifty Six, Arkansas (near Mountain View, AR) located deep in the heart of the Ozarks. So yeah when retirement age hits me, home will return back to Arkansas with me. So when I'm old, with wrinkled tattoos, telling my kids about my life, about my journies, my lessons, my love lost and my love found you'll know where to find me....

In a log cabin in the Ozarks where my heart, home and soul reside as one.

Don't forget who you are, make you're home where you want it, allow your heart to open to only the deserving and when Father Time starts calling you home, give your soul the peace of where it truly belongs.

Finding home will be one of the hardest things you ever do in life. Home could end up being a million miles away or 10 houses down the street. You won't know until you find it. You will shed many tears, fight many battles, spend many sleepless nights, travel many roads, sleep in many places, laugh at many things, love many people and make many friends. I can't say how long it will take you to find home but, one day whether it be 20, 40, 60 years, when you finally find home you'll know it. There'll be no denying or mistaking it.

As for myself all I can say for now is,”It's great to finally be home.”